Lose yourself to find yourself

Written by: Prachi Shrivastava

I know that you began travelling to increase your level of endurance. For a long time you had been kicking hard against the ditch that was your everyday life, and frustrated of forever kicking in the damp darkness of the ditch, your energies were dying. So you decided to venture out to test your limits, push your limits, and view your spirit from the lens of The Great Outdoors to really check if you were made of steel. I know it takes high and mighty resolution to just pick up your bags and thrust yourself into faraway lands, instead of succumbing to the temptation of sinking into your own bed with your sorrows. I understand where you were coming from…

I know that when your first challenge presented itself to you on that first trip, as a debutante you were slightly scared of what would happen next, but you were more afraid of accepting the feeling of being scared. So you dove right into the test, ravenous for the next level of challenges. To begin with, you were on this trip for a sense of validation, since your everyday endeavours were failing you. People in your life were disappointing you. If you failed at this opportunity of The Great Outdoors too, god knows what you would turn to for validation. So you braved the challenge head on. I understand where you were coming from…

I know that when you surprised yourself on that first trip, everything else just stopped existing for you. The fact that you were the bottom-most in the food chain for far too long, the fact that others around you were now impressed with you, or the fact that you had scraped yourself blue with injuries and exhaustion in attaining this feat – nothing seemed to matter. You were numb to everyone else’s existence. It was just you and your potentialities – the only two energies that existed in the world. It was a rebirth moment. You were hooked. I totally understand why…

You now had the feeling of having found yourself. Little did you know, dear travelling child, that it was this very slope from where you were beginning to slip into losing yourself!

I know that from here onward The Great Outdoors became your sweet escape, the drug you were stoning on, running away from the drill of your life. Your travel was not so much about increasing your endurance now, as it was about running from the humdrum of life. This very life was out to grab you and polish you into who you truly deserve to become, but you were systematically cutting it out. You wanted to sink into the green grass and the blue skies to drown out the realities of your existence. Please don’t feel guilty, don’t feel bad. It’s okay to want escapism at some turns of this life. Life can be hard and unfair sometimes. I understand your motivations…

I know that in this new life of escape you began to look to be attached. When you started your pursuit of The Great Outdoors, all you wanted was to gain your independent stride, and to learn to hold yourself upright in life using your own independent force. But you conveniently forgot about that resolve. You began to look for a second soul who would whisk you away into this newly attractive dreamland that was so much at the tip of your fingers now, so close. And you found him or her. And with him or her it was exhilarating. I totally get the high you were experiencing, and I won’t deny you your right to be a child sometimes in this life baby…

I know how the green grassy ground slipped from beneath your feet, when that second perfect soul acted contrary to the role you had assigned him or her. He or she stepped out of The Great Outdoors’ painting you had drawn on your easel, and suddenly became a human. The Great Outdoors hadn’t prepared you yet for the fall. The fall hit you so hard you were desperately looking for an alternative, just any alternative, which would help you see beyond this dead-end of life. I understand the pain of the thud you must have experienced in falling from that kind of a high to this new low, I can totally imagine…

I know that when you began to pick up the pieces of your dream and turned to look back at the trail of footsteps you had left behind in The Great Outdoors, your free spirit looked you right back in the eye and smiled at you. On the route to finding yourself it was patiently waiting right where you had left it. You had left it midway on that trekking trail and had run off on your unguided search - your search for what would have eventually come to you by itself on that trail had you waited. As soon as you realised this and turned back on track, you found your spirit - your original trekking companion - waiting right there… that must’ve been a relief, isn’t it?

Everything you ever need was always within you. Your free spirit, your strength, and your passion to grab life by its sweetest centre – to live it thorough and through instead of half-heartedly and scared – and to dive right into where you find the greatest love, laughter, joy and communion. It was all within you always and that is why The Great Outdoors called you out to come and play in the first place.

Because The Great Outdoors, like your spirit, is full of eclectic colours, forever flowing rivers, dazzling sunsets and inspiring sunrises, breezes that promise to pamper to unhealthy levels, snow that chills you to the point of naughtily and lustily blowing your mind away, grounding muds and playful salty waves, juicy fruits and fuzzy animals…

The Great Outdoors is in perfect harmony, in perfect tandem with your very nature, and that is why you are able to hear its silent cry for you.

When the rest of the world sleeps under their plush blankets, you child, are meant to scale the heights of small and big peaks dressed in creamy glazing white snows that are too perfect to be more than a dream. You were born to have breakfast by glacial lakes that reflect sun-scorched golden mountain dusts, and dinner under the canopy of constellation-studded skies. Your eyes were meant to be nourished by devouring the sight of a fully lit cloud stuffed inside the open mouth of a gorge which is infact not a gorge but only a deceptively deep cave if one looked closely. 

Your senses were made to bathe in the miracles of nature.

I know that now you see the plan for you, and now you really found The Great Outdoors you had tried coming to, you found your spirit, and in the true sense your travels led you to finding yourself. I understand your journey.. you are my hero!